I miss my mom. After fifteen months, I may not think of Mom every day or fond memories cross my mind and leave a smile, and then a week like this comes when the longing to have her near hurts like a wound reopened and bleeding.
A friend gave me the book, “Aspergirls” by Rudy Simone. People used to think that boys had Asperger’s four times as often as girls. The research is now showing that girls may have it as often as boys, but their ability to camouflage is much better. They may have learning disabilities that hide their intelligence, and their areas of obsessive interest might make them more acceptable than their masculine counterparts. No one thinks it strange if a woman watches musicals and knows everything about Rogers and Hammerstein. No one notices if a woman reads constantly. She may learn to not share her thoughts on her obsession with the Holocaust and when people see the rows of books by Elie Wiesel they might think her empathetic. Her social disabilities may be attributed to shyness and some of the social roles typically applied to women have scripts that are sometimes easier to assimilate. It isn’t uncommon for a woman to stay youthful and if she enjoys playing with children and grandchildren then its praised instead of seeming immature. It’s not uncommon for women to experience fatigue and social fatigue can be explained by her being an introvert. I see Mom in so many of these descriptions and I relate to them myself to a limited degree. Of course, it’s impossible to evaluate someone posthumously, but I think Mom would have loved having a diagnosis that fit her better than all the random descriptions that her psychiatrists tried to paint her with. She would have told me that she loves me the way I am, and I would have told her the very same thing. The beautiful thing about Asperger’s is that the intervention required involves growth and learning and acceptance. Looking back with this new lens, I feel relieved to see that I provided the best possible home for her that she could have. It validates so much for me. I just wish she were here to share that with me.
I’ve also been working on releasing Syra’s Scribbles: 2004 to 2006 along with my newest book Syra’s Scribbles: 2008 to 2010. When I get to the part of the book where I am deciding whether or not to have Mom come live with me, I want to shake that younger self and tell her, “There is no choice. You will be so glad you did.” I didn’t appreciate all that I had with Mom when she was alive.
The new school year is starting, and I have the opportunity to take a part time job. I’ll share more about it when it’s final. It’s a life that would have been unimaginable while taking care of Mom, but I wish she were here to urge me on to this new stage.
I’m thankful for all the encouragers in my life, for Mike and the kids, and all my sisters, but I really miss my mom.
A friend gave me the book, “Aspergirls” by Rudy Simone. People used to think that boys had Asperger’s four times as often as girls. The research is now showing that girls may have it as often as boys, but their ability to camouflage is much better. They may have learning disabilities that hide their intelligence, and their areas of obsessive interest might make them more acceptable than their masculine counterparts. No one thinks it strange if a woman watches musicals and knows everything about Rogers and Hammerstein. No one notices if a woman reads constantly. She may learn to not share her thoughts on her obsession with the Holocaust and when people see the rows of books by Elie Wiesel they might think her empathetic. Her social disabilities may be attributed to shyness and some of the social roles typically applied to women have scripts that are sometimes easier to assimilate. It isn’t uncommon for a woman to stay youthful and if she enjoys playing with children and grandchildren then its praised instead of seeming immature. It’s not uncommon for women to experience fatigue and social fatigue can be explained by her being an introvert. I see Mom in so many of these descriptions and I relate to them myself to a limited degree. Of course, it’s impossible to evaluate someone posthumously, but I think Mom would have loved having a diagnosis that fit her better than all the random descriptions that her psychiatrists tried to paint her with. She would have told me that she loves me the way I am, and I would have told her the very same thing. The beautiful thing about Asperger’s is that the intervention required involves growth and learning and acceptance. Looking back with this new lens, I feel relieved to see that I provided the best possible home for her that she could have. It validates so much for me. I just wish she were here to share that with me.
I’ve also been working on releasing Syra’s Scribbles: 2004 to 2006 along with my newest book Syra’s Scribbles: 2008 to 2010. When I get to the part of the book where I am deciding whether or not to have Mom come live with me, I want to shake that younger self and tell her, “There is no choice. You will be so glad you did.” I didn’t appreciate all that I had with Mom when she was alive.
The new school year is starting, and I have the opportunity to take a part time job. I’ll share more about it when it’s final. It’s a life that would have been unimaginable while taking care of Mom, but I wish she were here to urge me on to this new stage.
I’m thankful for all the encouragers in my life, for Mike and the kids, and all my sisters, but I really miss my mom.