Mom in Nursing Home
2019-03-09
I don’t have enough perspective to write about what’s going on with my mom. The myriad of explanations that crowd my mind are theories that can’t be tested. Her psychiatrist took her off of a medication in early February, and a week later her heart doctor added a drug. I was sick for two weeks with what Mom’s primary care physician thinks was a weak flu with aches and chills and fatigue without the respiratory aspect. I noticed that mom’s appetite had decreased but wasn’t keeping track of anything while sickness kept me in bed.
Wednesday a week ago our garage doors weren’t working, and I parked at the front door to pick Mom up for a trip to the bank. She slipped on the rain slicked brick porch and bruised her back. Her helmet saved her from a concussion. That Friday during dialysis she pulled the arterial needle out of her arm and sprayed blood everywhere. I took her to the ER to check her hemoglobin count and also because it was so out of character to be uncooperative at dialysis. They ran every test and found no infections, no stroke, no heart issues, nothing. When she woke up on Saturday she had no memory of anything that happened on Friday. She slept all day Saturday and Sunday except for meals. She always goes to church whether battered or bruised but she missed church.
She fell in the kitchen on Monday but the lady who helps me get caught up after the weekend helped her up. Mom missed dialysis on Monday because I took her to see her primary care physician who hadn’t received the ER reports. He thought the Friday incidents could be explained by the heart medication and blood pressure issues and adjusted the heart medication.
Mom fell in her bedroom on Tuesday morning but was near a chair and pulled herself up. She fell in the bathroom and we had to call in help to pull her off the floor. Tuesday afternoon she had a make-up dialysis session where she again pulled out her needles. That evening I filled her pill box adding the medication that she had stopped earlier and cutting the heart medication.
She fell again Wednesday morning while trying to get dressed. She fell again in the kitchen while trying to make breakfast. At that point I called for an ambulance to take her back to the ER. I didn’t want to transport her myself for fear that she would fall again. We were in the ER from nine to five and again all tests showed nothing obvious. They offered to put her in a short-term rehabilitation center which we accepted.
So that’s where she is staying now. Yesterday morning I was torn by missing her and feeling relieved that there was no need to go to her room to see if Mom had fallen again. The house was empty without her sweet, prayerful presence.
The dialysis clinic won’t give Mom dialysis unless someone sits by her side. That’s where I am now writing this up. Sitting here for four hours at a time is killing me. Mom keeps falling asleep and when she starts moving in her sleep, I wake her up. It looks like she is dreaming of eating popcorn, and I wonder if she is hungry though she says she isn’t. She perked up and said she was looking for her Bible. Then she started talking nonsense about photographs and Jesus, Mary and her father. A moment ago she opened her eyes and reached over to grab the bandages holding the dialysis needles in place. I had to talk her down and convince her to leave them alone for a bit. She fell asleep again a minute later. Most of the time she sleeps, but she keeps waking up and smiling at me, glad to see me at her side. After that quick moment of attacking her arm, it’s clear that the clinic is right to insist on a watcher.
Yesterday was Jonah’s birthday party. He had a great day and I brought home eight children from his school for a wild at home birthday party. With all that’s going on I shouldn’t feel so devastated that I left a kindergarten sibling at school. Poor kid had to stay in aftercare. Still I hate that I’m forgetting things. It’s hard enough recovering from being sick for two weeks and now all this. It feels like I left my super cape in the closet for two weeks and now I’m wearing two super capes, combat boots and a bright shiny belt and hat. I’m running every moment of every day, except when sitting here at the dialysis clinic.
I also went to the dentist yesterday for a filling and am in so much pain that I think I need a crown. Can I also complain that the washing machine started leaking? The repair man says that it was a fluke but that doesn’t help the mounds of laundry that need attention.
I feel so emotionally drained. I want to run back to my bed and curl up in a dark room, but it feels good that I want that without being sick. Spring break is next week, and Lent is upon us. Life is full. I wish I knew what was going on with my mom, whether she needs time to pull off one of her many miraculous recoveries or if this is something worse. On the other hand, I find that it’s better no to know and to take each moment of each day one at a time.
2019-03-09
I don’t have enough perspective to write about what’s going on with my mom. The myriad of explanations that crowd my mind are theories that can’t be tested. Her psychiatrist took her off of a medication in early February, and a week later her heart doctor added a drug. I was sick for two weeks with what Mom’s primary care physician thinks was a weak flu with aches and chills and fatigue without the respiratory aspect. I noticed that mom’s appetite had decreased but wasn’t keeping track of anything while sickness kept me in bed.
Wednesday a week ago our garage doors weren’t working, and I parked at the front door to pick Mom up for a trip to the bank. She slipped on the rain slicked brick porch and bruised her back. Her helmet saved her from a concussion. That Friday during dialysis she pulled the arterial needle out of her arm and sprayed blood everywhere. I took her to the ER to check her hemoglobin count and also because it was so out of character to be uncooperative at dialysis. They ran every test and found no infections, no stroke, no heart issues, nothing. When she woke up on Saturday she had no memory of anything that happened on Friday. She slept all day Saturday and Sunday except for meals. She always goes to church whether battered or bruised but she missed church.
She fell in the kitchen on Monday but the lady who helps me get caught up after the weekend helped her up. Mom missed dialysis on Monday because I took her to see her primary care physician who hadn’t received the ER reports. He thought the Friday incidents could be explained by the heart medication and blood pressure issues and adjusted the heart medication.
Mom fell in her bedroom on Tuesday morning but was near a chair and pulled herself up. She fell in the bathroom and we had to call in help to pull her off the floor. Tuesday afternoon she had a make-up dialysis session where she again pulled out her needles. That evening I filled her pill box adding the medication that she had stopped earlier and cutting the heart medication.
She fell again Wednesday morning while trying to get dressed. She fell again in the kitchen while trying to make breakfast. At that point I called for an ambulance to take her back to the ER. I didn’t want to transport her myself for fear that she would fall again. We were in the ER from nine to five and again all tests showed nothing obvious. They offered to put her in a short-term rehabilitation center which we accepted.
So that’s where she is staying now. Yesterday morning I was torn by missing her and feeling relieved that there was no need to go to her room to see if Mom had fallen again. The house was empty without her sweet, prayerful presence.
The dialysis clinic won’t give Mom dialysis unless someone sits by her side. That’s where I am now writing this up. Sitting here for four hours at a time is killing me. Mom keeps falling asleep and when she starts moving in her sleep, I wake her up. It looks like she is dreaming of eating popcorn, and I wonder if she is hungry though she says she isn’t. She perked up and said she was looking for her Bible. Then she started talking nonsense about photographs and Jesus, Mary and her father. A moment ago she opened her eyes and reached over to grab the bandages holding the dialysis needles in place. I had to talk her down and convince her to leave them alone for a bit. She fell asleep again a minute later. Most of the time she sleeps, but she keeps waking up and smiling at me, glad to see me at her side. After that quick moment of attacking her arm, it’s clear that the clinic is right to insist on a watcher.
Yesterday was Jonah’s birthday party. He had a great day and I brought home eight children from his school for a wild at home birthday party. With all that’s going on I shouldn’t feel so devastated that I left a kindergarten sibling at school. Poor kid had to stay in aftercare. Still I hate that I’m forgetting things. It’s hard enough recovering from being sick for two weeks and now all this. It feels like I left my super cape in the closet for two weeks and now I’m wearing two super capes, combat boots and a bright shiny belt and hat. I’m running every moment of every day, except when sitting here at the dialysis clinic.
I also went to the dentist yesterday for a filling and am in so much pain that I think I need a crown. Can I also complain that the washing machine started leaking? The repair man says that it was a fluke but that doesn’t help the mounds of laundry that need attention.
I feel so emotionally drained. I want to run back to my bed and curl up in a dark room, but it feels good that I want that without being sick. Spring break is next week, and Lent is upon us. Life is full. I wish I knew what was going on with my mom, whether she needs time to pull off one of her many miraculous recoveries or if this is something worse. On the other hand, I find that it’s better no to know and to take each moment of each day one at a time.